Following on from the success of last years million pound bike ride from Lands End to John O’Groats for Sport Relief, David Walliams and his merry prankster peloton take on the Tour De France parcours for this years Comic Relief. Their Director Sportive for the event will be non-other than 7 times Tour winner himself Lance Armstrong. Lance will help out the team by guiding them on the best ways to administer EPO and how to pass a doping control.
MEET THE TEAM
TEAM CAPTAIN DAVID WALLIAMS
Sport Relief legend David Walliams is almost as well known for his incredible cross-Channel swim, which raised £1 million, as he is for co-creating and performing badly in Little Britain.
On top of his epic Channel challenge, he also swam the Strait of Gibraltar from Spain to Morocco with Matt Lucas strapped to his back in 2006 for Sport Relief. And the year before that he did the doggy paddle naked down the Thames while shouting “LOOK AT ME AREN’T I GREAT” from his smarmy smiling gob.
Now a star of screens both small and small, as well as a rubbish children’s author and recipient of a Split Personality of the Year special award (acts like a queg but he’s straight) – it seems there’s nothing David can’t turn his limp wristed hand to.
David say’s….”Won’t I look great in Lycra”
One of the most familiar faces on TV and Comic Relief superstar, Davina McCall started out on Heroin, then moved to MTV before the nation fell in love with her on Big Brother.
She’s dedicated to her charity work, and has been a presenter on Comic Relief TV shows numerous times – even donating the hefty sum of £50 for the chance to snog co-host David Tennant live on TV for Red Nose Day 2009!
Davina say’s….”I’m quite looking forward to injecting the EPO, it should evoke some great memories for me”
Stand up lazy eyed comedian and star of Mock The Turtle Russell Howard, has twice bombed on BBC One’s Live at the Apollo and he recently launched his own show, Russell Howard’s Bad News which went on to become BBC Three’s lowest ever rating entertainment series and will not return for anymore series in 2011.
Russell is also an non award-winning stand up with most of his family buying up all the tickets for his sell out tours – including dates at some of the country’s smallest venues including The Jolly Roger pub in Plymouth and Truro Evening News arena.
Russel Say’s…..”Do my eye’s look gozzy in these Oakleys?”
Comedian Patrick Kielty was the only celebrity who took last years Lands End to John O’ Groats ride seriously when he done the most miles and never once sat on the team bus and moaned like a little spoilt child about the cold weather or the mountains that needed to be climbed.
Patrick say’s….”I can’t wait to get cracking”
In 2003, Fearne took part in Comic Relief Does Fame Academy and absolutley murdered Driftwood by Travis.
And then, of course, in 2009 she and a team of other wankerish celebs really went ‘all-out’ and climbed Mount Kilimanjaro – with the aid of hundreds of helpers – to raise money for Comic Relief. In the same year, the pixie like tattooed freak with no interest in music what so ever, fulfilled a life’s ambition by taking over the hot seat from Jo Whiley as a presenter on Radio 1 weekday.
Fearne Say’s……”What? 170 miles a day for 3 weeks, where’s my agent?”
Jimmy Carr, one of the most distinctive comedians, with that big Desperate Dan chin and quiffy Elvis hair do, is one of the most unpopular comics on the circuit. The money grabbing twat is on a constant marathon of tours and will only be participating in a short leg of the gruelling Tour De France course due to his concert commitments. He’s also filmed an incredible nine series of that shit TV show 8 Out of 10 Twats, and he’s even found time to during his busy schedule to suck enough cock to keep reappearing as a regular guest on QI, Would I Lie to You? & Argumental and many other shite comedy/panel shows of a similar boring vein.
Jimmy say’s…..”My mum told me the best time to ask my dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given. I burst in through the bedroom door saying “Can I have a new bike?”. He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”
Fat unfunny sasquatch type bint off the telly
Miranda say’s….”When can I have my musette?”